Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
