So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
