Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
