Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
