There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
