Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
