I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize