I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
