i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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