everyone is single if you try hard enough
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
