JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
