If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
