my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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