She is in my trunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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