I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
