I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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