my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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