so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
