He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't turn off my feet"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
