How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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