Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
