he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
