Me too!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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