I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
