I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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