I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
