Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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