we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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