I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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