Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
