You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't notice because vodka
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
