Plan B is the new Plan A
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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