Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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