Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
