He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
