Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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