she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
