He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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