Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
