How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
