he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
