So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
