Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
