there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
