Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
