watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
