You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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