No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
