Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
