Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
